Oh weekends how I love to hate thee

[mattblakk]

I find weekends to be supremely difficult sometimes.



Blake has at least one super huge meltdown. He just finished crying for over an hour, and seems to have once again found his center. I find those marathons very trying.

I'm not sure anyone gets it who hasn't survived the adrenaline inducing scream of your child over such a prolonged time over and over. (and I am quite literal about the adrenaline reaction being produced when Blake screams. . . not sure why it happens but I find it quite unsettling.)

Logan's surprise party appeared to go off without a hitch. Blake managed to last at Logan's house for about an hour and a half. Of course that meant he was ready to leave just as soon as Logan got there. I think Logan was happily surprised, but I'm pretty clear that the rest of the people there either didn't understand what autism is, or were full of the plastic pity face. I'm pretty clear that the level of social control expected by that group of people exceeds Blake's ability by several factors of 10, so I just made sure Logan got all his goodies and left. I feel bad, becuase Blake was so happy to see Logan. He didn't really pay attention to or look at any of the other people, but the minute he saw Logan he climbed right into his arms and stayed there for quite a while. Such a sweet thing to see. Sorry more people don't get to experience that side of Blake.

Once home, Blake went in to full-on scream fest mode. Glad that's over for the next couple of days.

Clearly Calgon isn't strong enough. I hate to feel guilty for even talking about this. I'm making myself do it, because I clearly can't do this on my own. And since I can't have people over to commiserate with me, I will let you all choose whether or not to read and interact with me on this issue. You are reading my journal, after all.

So, I'm a very social person by nature, I used to love to go to parties and talk with people. I guess the best way to describe them now is that they don't feel particularly safe places to be these days. I feel really emotionally vulnerable right now after having only been there briefly surrounded by people I don't really know.

I guess it's just realizing how much my life has changed to meet Blake's needs. Perhaps there will be more interaction someday. Until then, the virtual sort will have to sustain me. Sad, though.

Comments

[thefluke.livejournal.com]

You know that I empathize with you, being in the same situation. During the summer, especially, when people are throwing parties and getting together, it's particularly tough. If you can get the kid to keep it together for more than an hour you've done well.

And yes, despite the fact that autism is an ever increasing epidemic, people are still surprisingly ignorant about it. I mean, in many cases people have good intentions, but they just do not understand.

As Blake gets older hopefully the meltdowns become more infrequent. No question it has changed me (as I'm sure it has you), in more ways than other parents can understand.

Maybe not the best words of comfort, but wanted to let you know that there are others with here with you who understand how difficult it is...

[mattblakk.livejournal.com]

I think it is helpful to know that I'm not the only person who has a kid like Blake. Life is definitely easier with him now than it was when he was younger. It keeps getting better, but it's still difficult, as I'm sure you know.

Sometimes I just need a bit of reassurance, I guess. Since I don't have a second parent around to lean on, sometimes total strangers have to help out. Thanks.