He's doing better. Still occasional outbursts, but we put on a video. Well, actually, he opened and clsoed the try on the DVD player for about 30 minutes, and chose a different video a few times, and as long as I didn't touch anything or remind him not to break it, peace was maintained.
I'm baking bread that smells really great, though, and looking forward to seeing how it comes out.
In the same situation, I hate it (still! and I'm 26 :) ) because sometimes people's voices hurt my ears (even if I'm screaming or talking really loud -- in fact, screaming and talking way louder than normal both are signs that other things are happening that make me more sound sensitive) and because it's difficult to pull out of an activity (like putting DVDs into a player/choosing movies) to try to mangle sense out of spoken words and then try to get my brain back on the original activity. Particularly if I really have motivation to do (either internal or external) whatever the original activity was. And it doesn't have much to do with what the person is saying (though if they are saying something that actually annoys me as well the whole situation is made that much worse), just switching between the task and the listening will make me want to scream (okay, at 26 I have significantly more impulse control than I did at Blake's age), melt down, throw a temper tantrum, take out a few walls, whatever.
Thank the gods for impulse control, I suppose :) And for friends who understand that when I tell them to shut the ***** up (and/or leave me alone), not to take it personally. And to do it before I get pushed too far. And even more thanks to the gods for those friends who have learned to catch the non-verbal cues so I don't even have to break out to tell them to shut up. And for adulthood so I don't have to put up with people in my life (at least, heavily in my life) who don't get this.
I have no clue as to whether or not this is why blake is doing this, though. I only met him very very breifly back in...2001, I think. He was too young to even tell that he was autistic yet. I'll bet Matt doesn't even remember me :) But given that he's autistic, it may well have less to do with the content of what matt is saying and more with the fact that he is talking/distracting him.
Yeah, I think he had been set off by events prior, and I definitely get a clear message from him when he just needs to be left alone to sort things out.
I try to do all the things I can do, and when it becomes clear that nothing I can do will help, I take that as a sign that he needs some space, and I usually move out of his eye sight, and wait for him to come back down to earth, so to speak.
I have no idea if I remember you or not. I would have to see you again, I think. I'm not so good with names, but I generally remember the person.
> Yeah, I think he had been set off by events prior, and I definitely get a clear message from him when he > just needs to be left alone to sort things out.
You know, my parents *still* haven't gotten that one figured out. Even though I've told them in words of recent. And they can't seem to grasp that this has a fair amount to do with why I avoid them like the plague (it's not the only thing, but it ranks high) either. I think it's probably just really difficult for NT folks to understand, because it's so far out of their own experiences. Even I have to admit that sound bothering me more when I am louder sounds really couterintuitive.
It's a hard thing to balance. It's a hard thing to balance for me and I have a major advantage in that I can read my own mind :P (not to mention I'm well over the age where I am a risk to other people's electronics and such -- though I'm still bad enough that if I could ever figure out how to rent my services out as a stress tester for new products I'd make a bundle ;) ) Though pretty much it comes down to that -- there's not much anyone can do externally except minimize extraneous sensory input and get the heck out of the way. Even if an NT person is really upset, no one can really calm them down, they can just manipulate the environment (including doing things like holding or talking to them) in ways that make it easier for the person to calm down. For a lot of auties the more typical things like holding or talking are counterproductive (as you've already figured out with blake, apparently, and as my parents never have figured out). What my parents did do that was useful (though I doubt they realized why, or even that it was useful at all) was teach me a whole bunch of relaxation and medication techniques. The trick for me was to learn them until they were a conditioned response whilst calm and in a receptive mood for learning, and then invoke them on the way to full scale melt down. Once it's there there's no help for it, it has to run it's course (at least, I've never found a way to stop it) but on the way there it's quite helpful. But it's not something I pulled together until I was in my teens, though I started learning relaxation techniques at four or five.
The Nat-meister had a tent he liked to go into to shut off before meltdown (sometimes, at least. But this was back when he was Blake's age, so sometimes was a pretty good accomplishment)
Actually, if you ever are really bored and want to see (starts about halfway down) me analyse the heck out of one form of meltdown (headbanging) you could go here. But it's nasty, long, carries a trigger warning and I certainly won't be offended if you don't have the time/energy.
this and this are pics of me from that trip. It was Gender Oddyssey, May 2001, Seattle, you gave a workshop on FTMs and parenting and sometime after (maybe the next day..not sure) that I chased you down and we spoke very very very breifly (probably less than a minute..years later my memories are quite fuzzy) and you were holding Blake. And should I see you again (probably not all that unlikely, if nothing else because it's a small commuity) I probably won't recognize you. I have crappy facial recognition :)
Hey Im Jessica.. I was searching for people that had autism in their intrests... and read that you have a 4 year old son with autism, my sister has a 3 year old, and we found out about.. 4 months ago he has autism...I just posted a picture of him and my sister! you should check it out! Im going to add you!
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I'm baking bread that smells really great, though, and looking forward to seeing how it comes out.
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can we do anything for you?
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Rest assured, once I am in a real apartment, it will be much easier because I will be able to call in the troops when he gets into these patches.
You'd be amazed how much easier it is to listen to a kid scream when there is another adult in the room to talk with.
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hope things settle down...
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Oh no!
I think this prepares us for the years ahead when we sound like taperecorders....
Re: Oh no!
Thank the gods for impulse control, I suppose :) And for friends who understand that when I tell them to shut the ***** up (and/or leave me alone), not to take it personally. And to do it before I get pushed too far. And even more thanks to the gods for those friends who have learned to catch the non-verbal cues so I don't even have to break out to tell them to shut up. And for adulthood so I don't have to put up with people in my life (at least, heavily in my life) who don't get this.
I have no clue as to whether or not this is why blake is doing this, though. I only met him very very breifly back in...2001, I think. He was too young to even tell that he was autistic yet. I'll bet Matt doesn't even remember me :) But given that he's autistic, it may well have less to do with the content of what matt is saying and more with the fact that he is talking/distracting him.
Re: Oh no!
I try to do all the things I can do, and when it becomes clear that nothing I can do will help, I take that as a sign that he needs some space, and I usually move out of his eye sight, and wait for him to come back down to earth, so to speak.
I have no idea if I remember you or not. I would have to see you again, I think. I'm not so good with names, but I generally remember the person.
Re: Oh no!
> just needs to be left alone to sort things out.
You know, my parents *still* haven't gotten that one figured out. Even though I've told them in words of recent. And they can't seem to grasp that this has a fair amount to do with why I avoid them like the plague (it's not the only thing, but it ranks high) either. I think it's probably just really difficult for NT folks to understand, because it's so far out of their own experiences. Even I have to admit that sound bothering me more when I am louder sounds really couterintuitive.
It's a hard thing to balance. It's a hard thing to balance for me and I have a major advantage in that I can read my own mind :P (not to mention I'm well over the age where I am a risk to other people's electronics and such -- though I'm still bad enough that if I could ever figure out how to rent my services out as a stress tester for new products I'd make a bundle ;) ) Though pretty much it comes down to that -- there's not much anyone can do externally except minimize extraneous sensory input and get the heck out of the way. Even if an NT person is really upset, no one can really calm them down, they can just manipulate the environment (including doing things like holding or talking to them) in ways that make it easier for the person to calm down. For a lot of auties the more typical things like holding or talking are counterproductive (as you've already figured out with blake, apparently, and as my parents never have figured out). What my parents did do that was useful (though I doubt they realized why, or even that it was useful at all) was teach me a whole bunch of relaxation and medication techniques. The trick for me was to learn them until they were a conditioned response whilst calm and in a receptive mood for learning, and then invoke them on the way to full scale melt down. Once it's there there's no help for it, it has to run it's course (at least, I've never found a way to stop it) but on the way there it's quite helpful. But it's not something I pulled together until I was in my teens, though I started learning relaxation techniques at four or five.
The Nat-meister had a tent he liked to go into to shut off before meltdown (sometimes, at least. But this was back when he was Blake's age, so sometimes was a pretty good accomplishment)
Actually, if you ever are really bored and want to see (starts about halfway down) me analyse the heck out of one form of meltdown (headbanging) you could go here. But it's nasty, long, carries a trigger warning and I certainly won't be offended if you don't have the time/energy.
this and this are pics of me from that trip. It was Gender Oddyssey, May 2001, Seattle, you gave a workshop on FTMs and parenting and sometime after (maybe the next day..not sure) that I chased you down and we spoke very very very breifly (probably less than a minute..years later my memories are quite fuzzy) and you were holding Blake. And should I see you again (probably not all that unlikely, if nothing else because it's a small commuity) I probably won't recognize you. I have crappy facial recognition :)
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Dan
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