Discuss

An LJ friend is in a quandry. He knows a poz guy who is propositioning his friends for play at an event, disclosing his desire for bareback sex but not his HIV status. My friend is pondering the ethical implications of knowing the guy is positive and wanting to warn his friends while not disclosing the guy's status. A fairly rich discussion ensues. Then someone adds this:

Here I am being politically incorrect... but if your "friends" dontbother to protect themselves... then they quite frankly deserve whatthey get.

I responded with this:

I don't know about that.

I have delivered probably more than myshare of positive results to people testing for HIV. Many, many timesthe difference between postive and negative test results is impossible to distinguish from anything other than dumb luck.

Why did my friend get infected the first time he had sex when he was 16?

Why do the boyfriends who've been together for 8 years of very sexually active monogamy who just find out that one partner is positive after 20 minutes get to walk out the door with the second partner still being uninfected?

I agree that we all know what kind of sex we're*supposed* to have, but sexual patterns are not really wired into the logical part of our brains. It's challenging to find a way to make the connection for some people, and not at all for others. I don't think telling people they deserve infection really helps anyone talk about the intricacies of passion and sex and the spectre of infection.

I think there could be a really rich discussion about how the interplay between men in sexual encounters transpires non-verbally and what each person is experiencing is in some ways, despite the intimate connection between their bodies, individual.

I really wish it weren't necessary to have these worries, and I hope that regardless of what happens at the event, this conversation continues.

So, what I'd like from you is this: Discuss.