Oh weekends how I love to hate thee

[mattblakk]

I find weekends to be supremely difficult sometimes.



Blake has at least one super huge meltdown. He just finished crying for over an hour, and seems to have once again found his center. I find those marathons very trying.

I'm not sure anyone gets it who hasn't survived the adrenaline inducing scream of your child over such a prolonged time over and over. (and I am quite literal about the adrenaline reaction being produced when Blake screams. . . not sure why it happens but I find it quite unsettling.)

Logan's surprise party appeared to go off without a hitch. Blake managed to last at Logan's house for about an hour and a half. Of course that meant he was ready to leave just as soon as Logan got there. I think Logan was happily surprised, but I'm pretty clear that the rest of the people there either didn't understand what autism is, or were full of the plastic pity face. I'm pretty clear that the level of social control expected by that group of people exceeds Blake's ability by several factors of 10, so I just made sure Logan got all his goodies and left. I feel bad, becuase Blake was so happy to see Logan. He didn't really pay attention to or look at any of the other people, but the minute he saw Logan he climbed right into his arms and stayed there for quite a while. Such a sweet thing to see. Sorry more people don't get to experience that side of Blake.

Once home, Blake went in to full-on scream fest mode. Glad that's over for the next couple of days.

Clearly Calgon isn't strong enough. I hate to feel guilty for even talking about this. I'm making myself do it, because I clearly can't do this on my own. And since I can't have people over to commiserate with me, I will let you all choose whether or not to read and interact with me on this issue. You are reading my journal, after all.

So, I'm a very social person by nature, I used to love to go to parties and talk with people. I guess the best way to describe them now is that they don't feel particularly safe places to be these days. I feel really emotionally vulnerable right now after having only been there briefly surrounded by people I don't really know.

I guess it's just realizing how much my life has changed to meet Blake's needs. Perhaps there will be more interaction someday. Until then, the virtual sort will have to sustain me. Sad, though.

Comments

[grey-evil-twin.livejournal.com]

I took ten years off to have three kids. It can get lonely, and days went past when I saw nobody else. My old friends stopped visiting, and I didn't get out of the house much except for grocery shopping or trips with the kids to parks etc. Once I noticed the lack of social activity it started to bother me, but I still felt very guilty taking a few hours off to go visit with mates, or try and make new ones. Now the kids are bigger, and I'm back at work, I get out a lot more. Things can get insanely busy, but I *need* it. I'm a social person, and thrive around others. I understand how isolating it can get being a parent. Blake's needs mean you've got extra work to do, and I can see how it would wear you down.

Hang in there, matey. I'm always happy to chat.

[mattblakk.livejournal.com]

Yeah, sometimes I think it would be easier if there were two or three of him, and they could talk. Not true, but sometimes when I'm overwhelmed I feel that way. I appreciate your kind words.

[grey-evil-twin.livejournal.com]

No wuckers, matey. Remember to take care of yourself too.

[asssssssssp.livejournal.com]

yeah- exactly and what you said about parenting -yep yep yep I have three of my own and ..one day...I'll wake up without this twitch.....