Oh weekends how I love to hate thee
Jul. 4th, 2004 05:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mattblakkI find weekends to be supremely difficult sometimes.
Blake has at least one super huge meltdown. He just finished crying for over an hour, and seems to have once again found his center. I find those marathons very trying.
I'm not sure anyone gets it who hasn't survived the adrenaline inducing scream of your child over such a prolonged time over and over. (and I am quite literal about the adrenaline reaction being produced when Blake screams. . . not sure why it happens but I find it quite unsettling.)
Logan's surprise party appeared to go off without a hitch. Blake managed to last at Logan's house for about an hour and a half. Of course that meant he was ready to leave just as soon as Logan got there. I think Logan was happily surprised, but I'm pretty clear that the rest of the people there either didn't understand what autism is, or were full of the plastic pity face. I'm pretty clear that the level of social control expected by that group of people exceeds Blake's ability by several factors of 10, so I just made sure Logan got all his goodies and left. I feel bad, becuase Blake was so happy to see Logan. He didn't really pay attention to or look at any of the other people, but the minute he saw Logan he climbed right into his arms and stayed there for quite a while. Such a sweet thing to see. Sorry more people don't get to experience that side of Blake.
Once home, Blake went in to full-on scream fest mode. Glad that's over for the next couple of days.
Clearly Calgon isn't strong enough. I hate to feel guilty for even talking about this. I'm making myself do it, because I clearly can't do this on my own. And since I can't have people over to commiserate with me, I will let you all choose whether or not to read and interact with me on this issue. You are reading my journal, after all.
So, I'm a very social person by nature, I used to love to go to parties and talk with people. I guess the best way to describe them now is that they don't feel particularly safe places to be these days. I feel really emotionally vulnerable right now after having only been there briefly surrounded by people I don't really know.
I guess it's just realizing how much my life has changed to meet Blake's needs. Perhaps there will be more interaction someday. Until then, the virtual sort will have to sustain me. Sad, though.
Blake has at least one super huge meltdown. He just finished crying for over an hour, and seems to have once again found his center. I find those marathons very trying.
I'm not sure anyone gets it who hasn't survived the adrenaline inducing scream of your child over such a prolonged time over and over. (and I am quite literal about the adrenaline reaction being produced when Blake screams. . . not sure why it happens but I find it quite unsettling.)
Logan's surprise party appeared to go off without a hitch. Blake managed to last at Logan's house for about an hour and a half. Of course that meant he was ready to leave just as soon as Logan got there. I think Logan was happily surprised, but I'm pretty clear that the rest of the people there either didn't understand what autism is, or were full of the plastic pity face. I'm pretty clear that the level of social control expected by that group of people exceeds Blake's ability by several factors of 10, so I just made sure Logan got all his goodies and left. I feel bad, becuase Blake was so happy to see Logan. He didn't really pay attention to or look at any of the other people, but the minute he saw Logan he climbed right into his arms and stayed there for quite a while. Such a sweet thing to see. Sorry more people don't get to experience that side of Blake.
Once home, Blake went in to full-on scream fest mode. Glad that's over for the next couple of days.
Clearly Calgon isn't strong enough. I hate to feel guilty for even talking about this. I'm making myself do it, because I clearly can't do this on my own. And since I can't have people over to commiserate with me, I will let you all choose whether or not to read and interact with me on this issue. You are reading my journal, after all.
So, I'm a very social person by nature, I used to love to go to parties and talk with people. I guess the best way to describe them now is that they don't feel particularly safe places to be these days. I feel really emotionally vulnerable right now after having only been there briefly surrounded by people I don't really know.
I guess it's just realizing how much my life has changed to meet Blake's needs. Perhaps there will be more interaction someday. Until then, the virtual sort will have to sustain me. Sad, though.
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Date: 2004-07-04 11:34 pm (UTC)i would love to hang out in some social settings soon with you. i hate children in general, so the opportunity to hang out with one who doesnt think life is fucking rosy actually sounds very appealing to me. call me--642 6521. im here for another week or two then off to NY, then back.