Oh weekends how I love to hate thee

[mattblakk]

I find weekends to be supremely difficult sometimes.



Blake has at least one super huge meltdown. He just finished crying for over an hour, and seems to have once again found his center. I find those marathons very trying.

I'm not sure anyone gets it who hasn't survived the adrenaline inducing scream of your child over such a prolonged time over and over. (and I am quite literal about the adrenaline reaction being produced when Blake screams. . . not sure why it happens but I find it quite unsettling.)

Logan's surprise party appeared to go off without a hitch. Blake managed to last at Logan's house for about an hour and a half. Of course that meant he was ready to leave just as soon as Logan got there. I think Logan was happily surprised, but I'm pretty clear that the rest of the people there either didn't understand what autism is, or were full of the plastic pity face. I'm pretty clear that the level of social control expected by that group of people exceeds Blake's ability by several factors of 10, so I just made sure Logan got all his goodies and left. I feel bad, becuase Blake was so happy to see Logan. He didn't really pay attention to or look at any of the other people, but the minute he saw Logan he climbed right into his arms and stayed there for quite a while. Such a sweet thing to see. Sorry more people don't get to experience that side of Blake.

Once home, Blake went in to full-on scream fest mode. Glad that's over for the next couple of days.

Clearly Calgon isn't strong enough. I hate to feel guilty for even talking about this. I'm making myself do it, because I clearly can't do this on my own. And since I can't have people over to commiserate with me, I will let you all choose whether or not to read and interact with me on this issue. You are reading my journal, after all.

So, I'm a very social person by nature, I used to love to go to parties and talk with people. I guess the best way to describe them now is that they don't feel particularly safe places to be these days. I feel really emotionally vulnerable right now after having only been there briefly surrounded by people I don't really know.

I guess it's just realizing how much my life has changed to meet Blake's needs. Perhaps there will be more interaction someday. Until then, the virtual sort will have to sustain me. Sad, though.

Comments

[logankiefer.livejournal.com]

hey Sweetie
i am really, really, really, sorry you felt unsafe.And that people didn't have a clue. I am even more sorry i couldn't help or be a support for you since i was out of the loop and shocked by it all. I wish i hadn't been so darm surprised and shocked by the whole thing so i could have hugged and squeezed you and Blake some more in the back yard.I hope you know that I wasn't at all upset about you having to leave because i figured you had probably been over here for some time and I know that 1.5 hours is the usual max hang out time/cut off for time over at Wogan's...
to be completely honest..i was sooooo shocked that all i could think about when i saw you....was the fact that i wasn't really going to actually see you later on..that i wasn't just helping Carey move the grill real quick and then grabbing my sweatshirt and heading over in the lumina..that the plans no longer existed.... there was a party... because i had been planning (and getting excited about) that in my mind all day....
getting to do our thing....hang out and watch some shows
have some snacks
i am not sure if i seemed sad when you left...
if i did it was because of this, definitely not the fact that you had to head out

again i am really sorry
not sure i make sense
i am really tired/sleepy
thanks for my gliterglue message and all my treats edible and non...
they are great
:o)
ps i am wearing the twink(ie) socks
xx,
logan

see you tomorrow, i hope??

[mattblakk.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty clear that the people at the party were as friendly as they knew how to be to a complete stranger chasing after a whirlwind. Dave made a good point when I talked to him on the phone earlier, he said maybe what was going on for them wasn't disdain for me and Blake but guilt that their kid was developmentally typical and charming and just not knowing how to interact with such a different creature as Blake.

I will definitely see you later today. I'm thinking tire swing.